Dear Anonymous

Our paths never seemed too close; they only passed by but for a brief second of our individual eternities. Yet, how my heart longed they would somehow join. I never truly gave up that hope. If I’m honest, I still hold that hope, tucked away somewhere deep in the back of my mind.

Sometimes, it surfaces.  Sometimes, it’s a quite memory softly floating in my mind. Sometimes, it’s loud unanswered questions aggressively screaming, repetitively. No rhyme or reason as to the why’s and when’s of their occurrences. They just come.

The questions are insistent, but remain unanswered. It’s like a sappy love song stuck on repeat that sings softly and brokenly, Was this ever a reality, or all my imaginations. Is it possible to love so much your perception of reality is tainted so strongly as to believe something is real, that isn’t truly real? I’m not sure which is worse, believing something that never happened, or facing the reality that someone left so quickly, so easily, and with no explanation.

Regardless of the mutuality of this matter, what I felt was real. And it was strong. You never even let me in to love you, yet my love for you changed me. It broke me, only enough to heal me though. It left me distraught and confused, yet only enough to teach me how to find peace and calmness within the sound of raging unanswered questions. It taught me of a love so strong that I could still desire your happiness, even if I wasn’t by your side as you reached it.

And I do. Oh, how I do. I hope your life is leading you to abundant opportunities, and multitudes of possibilities. I hope your dreams are found, your goals are met, and your talents and gifts are fully appreciated. I hope you find love. Love that sees you for the beautiful soul you are. Love that grasp how massive the potential and abilities within you are.

You might not believe in the massive potential inside you, but I do. Your soul is one of the finest. It wasn’t just loving you that changed me, it was encountering you. You, unknowingly, taught me to believe in myself by believing in me. You, unknowingly, taught me how to invest in the souls around me by having a constant servants heart. You, unknowingly, taught me to love God in a new and deeper way just by the way you unreservedly loved Him.

Nonetheless, our paths have parted. Before us both now lay new, exciting, and uncharted territories. And if ever our paths should cross again, I believe it will be a sweet moment. For in that moment, the unanswered questions, and unmet dream will be inadequate to the bright realities I know we will be living out. And in that moment, the memories of the love that changed me, for the better, will be stronger than the many unanswered questions.

Musings On Love…

IMG_1949
“Sometimes it last in love, but sometimes it hurts instead…” Adele  ‘Someone Like You’

I used to think love happens once, last forever, and is simply bliss.

But maybe it isn’t always, and maybe that’s ok.

Maybe love isn’t only reserved for the sappy love story with the happy ending and promise of forever. Maybe sometimes love is a temporary experience of joy mixed with heartache. Maybe sometimes the ending, middle, and present is unclear. Maybe, sometimes, we love the wrong people for all the right reasons. Maybe sometimes our love is a broken love, unable to move forward, but instead we are forced to release the one we love, and move forward without them by our side.

But is this really love? Is it really love when it can’t move forward? Is it really love if it never commits to a set of vows? Is it really love when you have to let go before your heart is ready to? I use to think not, but maybe it is.

Certainly this is a different kind of love than our forever love, one with a holy God-given purpose and call to forever, yet it is still valid, still genuine, and still strong enough to change you, break you, and heal you… And maybe that’s the purpose of this temporary love, to prepare and mold for something even better?

Thing is, I do believe in forever love, but maybe that person isn’t the only one we love in this life, their simply the ones we love the most, and are privileged to love forever. Holding onto this, makes letting go of this temporary love easier, because we can know, if this was our forever, it would not be so easily vanishing, but both sides would be holding tightly to it.

Maybe we have to let go of love sometimes in order to hold out for our forever love. And that is certainly ok.

“You’re the one that I love, and i’m saying goodbye…”

The Beautiful Existence

“The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image.” ~Thomas Merton

Sometimes our paths cross with an individual who’s existence draws us in a seemingly irresistible way. Their entire being is beautiful and good. Of course, its only natural to dream our paths will not part, or even that we could at least walk together on our passing roads, just a little closer, just a little longer.

But crossing paths doesn’t always mean joining paths, maybe we’re just passing by on this road but for a short time.

Learn to love in an unattached way; one not dependent on the outcome of your personal dreams. Learn to appreciate people for the role they do play in your life, not the ones you want them to. Allow them to be simply them, and you, be simply you; a necessity before paths could even possibly join. Let your love be evident of your confidence in God’s all-encompassing knowledge and sovereignty. Be here, now. Save tomorrow for tomorrow.